Theres nothing wrong with apologizing for thebad things youve done.
For example, I tend to apologize whensomeone elsebumps into me at a bar or club.
Is it courteous for me to do that?
Perhaps, but I wasnt the one who needed to apologize.
Lori Deschene at Tiny Buddha suggeststhat your apologies will automatically tell others thatyou thinkyou are responsible for the issue.
In the grand scheme of things, it doesnt actually matter whose fault it was.
But the more you turn this into a habit, the more youll use it in situations thatdomatter.
Unnecessary apologies also send the message that youd rather be agreeable than be honest.
Over-apologizing also needlessly creates guilt in your mind and undermines your own self-esteem.
Have an Apology Recap
If you catch yourself apologizing often, dont fret.
And if not, Did I really want to communicate that I think I did?
Are you talking to family members, friends or coworkers?
Are you apologizing to avoid conflict or are you placating someone?
For me, its strangers.
I can still be nice without subjecting myself to blame upfront.
For example, Flagg suggests an easy workaround for when you want to ask for help:
.
.you shouldnt apologize if youre requesting help or clarification.
All you gotta say is Can you like help me understand that?
Or Could you hey explain that a bit further?
It lets you be courteous without short-changing yourself or setting up the question like it will be rude.
When someone does something that makes you both look good, dont apologize for not doing it yourself.
Still, giving thanks over an apology can work in a lot of different situations.
Trading in blame and self-guiltfor gratitudesounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.
Image by Nick Criscuolo.
