Its perfectly normal for couples to argue.
For the purposes of this article, were going to talk about romantic relationships.
Whats appropriate for your boyfriend may not be the best solution fordealing with your bossoryour crappy roommate.
Romantic relationships have their own unique challenges and its best to deal with problems when they start.
For example, say youre frustrated with your partner for not doing the dishes.
It only makes sense to do the same with your fights.
you may want to verify youre not one of thoseirrational peoplethat make productive discussions difficult.
Do whatever brings your energy down.
Go for a walk.
Listen to loud music.
Write an angry note and then destroy it.
This will work best if you let your partner know ahead of time how you best handle stress.
Stomping off, muttering under your breath without a word is a quick way to hurt someone.
Even saying I need to go for a walk.
Lets talk in a few minutes, is more beneficial than Whatever.
Most importantly, once youre done calming down, come back.
As we mentioned earlier, when a fight erupts, youre dealing with two problems.
Calming down solves one problem and its easy to feel like everything is better.
For starters, youre now in a better position tochoose your battles.
When you come back to have a discussion with your loved one, take a collaborative approach.
As Psychology Todayputs it:
Fighting of any sort indicates that partners have taken a stance against each other.
Participants are antagonists, competitors for who will win.
Collaborative partnering, by contrast, involves side-by-side problem-solving.
In collaborative discussions of even the most sensitive and difficult issues, both parties pursue mutual understanding.
Both seek to understand the others point of view as well as to express their own concerns.
Sometimes the problems will simply be how you feel.
Once the talk is done, be sure to take action.
Remind yourself later about the things your partner wants to change.
Dont rely on memory alone.
Make up
Youve gotten angry.
Youve talked it out.
Youve come up with a plan for what needs to change.
Everythings good, right?
If you stop there and do nothing else, youll still be doing better than the average yelling match.
However, if you want to be sure that this becomes a habit, reward yourselves.
Ideally, youll enjoy your significant others company and make each other happy.
It may sound cheesy, but rewarding constructive behavior is a basic tenet ofmanipulating ourselves and others into self-improvement.
If thats not enough, science shows that the old adage Dont go to bed angryrings true.
