Late one night last year, I was sitting in my apartment doing some work when my phone rang.
It was my close friend, Alex*.
They must really love me, I gloated to myself, and decided to answer.
I was busy, but then again,Iwas the reason they knew each other.
I shouldnt have answered.
Turns out things werenotgoing well up in Michigan, and the two had decided to split.
I felt blindsided, and moreover, unsure what to say to keep the situation from getting worse.
There are tons of circumstances in which you might find yourself in the middle of a breakup.
The latter scenario is what happened to John, whose friend Scott had been dating a woman named Jen.
Breakups are hard on everyone, including the third parties who find themselves trapped in the middle.
I dont want to be involved in this picking at old wounds key in of thing.
Ask them what theyve been doing to take care of themselves throughout this processhow are they handling things?
How are they doing?
Just gently guiding the conversation back to their own process.
Breakups are incredibly painful, but they can also be a time of great self-discovery.
Birds of a feather flock together, Swann points out.
Definitely do that inventory check, she said.
You cant do it in one push.
You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.
This liminal stage is one that you, as a friend, need to be especially wary of.
This is something that Katie experienced firsthand following the breakup of her friends, Elisa and Ryan.
But was it really that straightforward?
It wasnt a clean breakup because there was still all this sex happening.
Ryan thought no such thing.
While talking shit in this scenario might have provided temporary catharsis, its a good thing Katie didnt.
A year later, Ryan and Elisa got back together; eventually, they married and had two kids.
Theyre really happy together, Katie confirmed.
Be gentle with the information, but dont lie to them, she added.
Sometimes, being a good friend means having to tell someone something youd rather not.
It sucks, but so do breakups.
Be honest and mature, and dont worry: The three of you will get through this.
*Some names have been changed to protect anonymity.
