A few weeks ago, I shared tips fortalking to young kids about sex.
Today, Im back to share some advice about talking to older kids.
The Talk is a misnomer because you should be talking about sex with your kids throughout their lives.
If youve set a good foundation, youll find transitioning into the teenage phase a bit easier.
Take the Lead
When kids are younger, theyll naturally ask questions out of curiosity.
Once they hit the preteen and teenage years, theyre much more likely to be embarrassed about sex.
They wont want to talk about it as readily, especially not with their parents.
They may also inadvertently get the message that sex is an off-limits topic.
Last time, I shared my story about my moms attempt to have The Talk with me.
She simply told me I could ask questions if I had them.
Boys should be given a heads-up about facial hair, voice changes, and wet dreams.
Girls should be told about breasts, hips, and menstruation (well get to that).
Tell them that their friends will experience the same changes, but on different timelines.
Let them know that everyone feels like theyre on the wrong timeline.
Give Them Information about Safety
Around age 12, start having conversations about sexual safety.
Your child needs accurate information about pregnancy prevention and STIs.
If youre a little rusty on the details yourself,Planned Parenthoodis a great resource for a refresher.
Thats just not true, and it misses the point entirely.
You want them to be safe when the time comes.
Consent also needs to be a part of the safety conversation.
you’ve got the option to talk about consent with children of all ages.
I like the idea of enthusiastic consent.
It means that youre not justOKwith something happening; youre activelyexcitedabout it.
Its an easy concept for kids to understand, and an extremely important one.
Practice Healthy Decision-Making
Preteens are old enough to start focusing on their decision-making skills.
There are plenty of ways to naturally invite your child to think about decision-making.
Do you think its a healthy decision?
What would you do in that situation?
How would you respond?
Your child may brush off some of these questions with a retort like, Ugh, stop!
but say something like, Im curious to know what you think.
Talk About the Media
Your kid is being exposed to sex way more than you realize.
Sex iseverywhereTV, movies, ads, the internet, and of course porn.
What do you think about the way that woman looks?
Emphasize Diversity
Its also important to talk to your child about diversity.
Help your child understand that not everyone is cis and straight.
If you see a gay couple walking down the street, start a conversation about sexual orientation.
Tell them that not every person identifies with the gender with which they were born.
Buy them plenty of books.
The Harvard Graduate School Of Education putthis great listof sexual education resources for parents and children.
I particularly likeScarleteen, a queer-friendly, inclusive website that covers everything from body image to sexual politics.
Own Up to Your Mistakes
Your sex talks arent always going to go well.
Im working on getting better at talking about sex.
Owning up to your conversational mistakes and sexual struggles can be a huge learning experience for your child.
Its also an opportunity for you to learn and grow, too.
