Her brother ate the last two Oreos instead of saving one for her.
Dad said no more TV right before bedtime.
He tested positive COVID at the last minute and cant take a planned spring break trip.
A broken arm means baseball season is over until next year.Disappointment can take infinite forms for a kid.
What to do when your kid is disappointed
First, start by empathizing.
Try saying one of these validating phrases:
I understand how you feel.
I get that this is disappointing.
If I were you, I would feel disappointed too.
You should also let them have their emotions while still acknowledging the reality of the situation.
After you empathize and validate their feelings, turn to problem-solving.
This is not you solving the problem by vanquishing disappointment.
Instead, collaborate with your kid to ask what they could do instead.
What could they do differently to avoid this disappointment next time?
What are reasonable expectations to have when you cant control everything?
Now is the time to correct that behavior rather than reinforcing it by giving in.
Whining is a learned behavior.
And one of the reasons kids whine is because it is really effective, Lyons said.
You are a support, but you cannot step in to make their feelings go away.
Thats not your job, and its not healthy for them.
That behavior is not going to change the outcome.
(For example, arecent studyfound that drawing improved childrens moods after disappointment.)
you’ve got the option to also teach them someself-soothing skillsthat can calm disappointment in place of whining.
The ability to tolerate when things dont go your way is a really really important skill, Lyons said.
Do you have adult tantrums, sulk, blame, or whine?
If you are dealing with a disappointed toddler, simplify your reaction.
Use words to connect their big feelings to not getting what they wanted to help them learn emotional literacy.
Stand by to offer comfort and a hug as the tantrum subsides.
