Fantasies come in many different intensities.
Some are so compelling that youve just got to act on them.
Or maybe a partner suggested something that you hadnt thought of before.
Heres how to experiment with a fantasyyours or a partnersif youre not sure youre going to like it.
The fantasy will still be there for you once youre ready.
In particular, I recommend giving yourself plenty of time if youre with a new partner.
Try playing with manageable fantasies first, until you develop more comfort with and trust in your partner.
(In other words, maybe try some velcro handcuffs before going for total limb immobilization.)
Admitting that you have a fantasyeither to yourself or to a partneris a vulnerable act.
Because after all, exploring your desires is one of the most central aspects of understanding your own sexuality.
Your partner is deserving of your respect; do your best to consider their fantasies with an open mind.
Remember the courage it takes to share a fantasy.
Talk through it with themeven if your initial urge is to dismiss their request.)
Actively fantasize about the details of your potential tryst while youre masturbating alone.
Watch or read as you masturbate, and try picturing yourself in the story or scene.
If the fantasy gets your pulse going a few extra beats per minute, it probably deserves experimentation.
If it actively turns you off, its probably worth stopping there.
If youre somewhere in the middle, at least try the next step.
Dirty Talk First
Dirty talking about fantasies is one of the most underrated sexual acts.
As youre fooling around, talk through the fantasy with your partner as if you were doing it live.
you’re free to mention outside of the bedroom that youd like to play with dirty talk first.
Or you’re able to invite them to talk about it in the moment.
You may even find that youre happy leaving the fantasy as a dirty talk topic only.
For example, a lot of monogamous couples love talking about threesomes or group sex.
Heres another place where most people go wrong: they dive right into trying to enact the entire fantasy.
You dont have to jump into the deep end right away, especially if youre nervous.
Instead, break down the fantasy into baby steps.
take a stab at identify what you or your partner really like about the fantasy.
For example, lets say youve always been a bit curious about a having sex with a stranger fantasy.
You dont actually have to go out and find a stranger to have sex with right away.
you’ve got the option to have a partner roleplay being a stranger.
Identify Your Fears
Does your fantasy (or your partners) make you nervous?
Be Safe
As is always the case with anything remotely adventurous in the bedroom, safety first!
Establish a safeword that you’re free to use to stop activity at any time.
double-check you fully understand the directions of any toys or equipment youre using.
You may very well not like itand thats okay.
Lets go back to our usual thing.
Once was enough for me.
