Loretta Stokes is a senior software engineering manager and a mentor for female engineers through her work with theWomenGetITorganization.
She was recently named the Emerging Leader of the Year by the Greater Nashville Technology Council.
Did life happen mostly as planned or were there surprises?
My life has been full of surprises.
After graduation, my career did not start out as I imagined.
My first full-time job was a consulting position working for the state of Tennessee.
I finally landed a contract-to-hire position as a software engineer.
This choice to not slow down was extremely hard to make as a mother.
Now, I work in a management position withEventbrite, an event technology platform.
Has becoming a parent changed the way you work?
Before jumping to conclusions about a situation, I confirm I take time to hear and understand everyones perspective.
Youre constantly prioritizing your time between home life and work responsibilities and are expected to get it all done.
Instead of the phrase work-life balance, you have said you strive for work-life integration.
Can you tell me how you make the distinction and how you venture to achieve it?
Work-life balance implies splitting your time and energy with work and your family.
The notion of work-life integration is much more fluid.
Tell us about a favorite family ritual.
My husband gets started on the bacon and sausage.
For the more sophisticated pancake artist, you’re able to purchase molds in many shapes.
We recently foundmolds in the shape of emoji faces, which are so cool.
It is simple, but I look forward to the smell of bacon cooking and pancakes every weekend.
Whats been your proudest moment as a parent?
My proudest moment is when my son got in trouble for talking at school.
I know that sounds odd, but you have to understand how far he has come.
Three years prior, he was diagnosed with a speech delay.
He knew what he wanted but couldnt say the words, which made him angry most of the time.
As a mom, it was very difficult.
On the doctors recommendation, we took him to speech therapy to see what his needs and limitations were.
We received the diagnosis and he was also accepted into a pre-school program for kids with developmental delays.
Over the years he made tremendous progress in speech therapy.
What is a moment are you not proud of?
My son was playing baseball one spring.
It was his second year but he was still fairly new.
In practice, he was doing well at catcher.
So this was his first game to play the position.
There was a hit out to the outfield.
As the batter was rounding the bases, my son was standing in front of home plate.
The ball was thrown home in plenty of time but my son wasnt watching.
The ball rolled by right him.
I was screaming, GET THE BALL!
It was too late.
The batter made it home.
My son finally realized what was going on and retrieved the ball.
From that point on, I only cheer for my kids.
If I have something constructive to say, Ill talk to them after the game.
I want them to know I am there to support them.
What do you want your kids to learn from your example?
You have to work on the things you want in life.
It doesnt come easy and you will most likely fail.
If you fail or dont get what you want, consider it is a learning experience.
In my experience, carving out a successful career path that was right for me hasnt been easy.
I can name several projects that went completely off the rails and bugs I actually introduced.
Getting to those next levels in my career has also been difficult and there is no playbook.
Your value-add shifts from being a code writer to a good people-person.
I learned the hard way.
The one thing I would tell other parents who are juggling a career…
It is okay to ask for help.
It isnt a sign of weakness.
I admit that with my first child, I tried to do everything.
I went to every school function, doctors appointment and play date.
For my second child, I was further along with my career.
Initially, I had a hard time asking for his help and letting go.
But my husband is an excellent dad, and it has enabled me to focus more on my career.
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