Improve Your Conversations By Focusing on Curiosity, Not Performance

Suddenly you’re more focused on “performing” well socially than actually connecting with people.

Today’s anxiety-reducing social etiquette hack comes from fromthis TikTokby creator Danielle Bayard Jackson (@thefriendshipexpert).

In the video, she explains that your priority in a conversation should not be performance, but curiosity.

Let’s dig in.

Here are some tips.

Ask open-ended questions

Resist the urge to “perform” by talking about yourself.

Instead, ask open-ended questions that allow others to share.

you’re able to afford to be a little blunt here, if need be.

Simple starters like “What do you like about your work?”

or “Where did you grow up?”

Listen intently to their responses and ask thoughtful follow-up questions to show genuine interest.

If they say they actually hate their work, ask them what sucks about it in particular.

Remember: The objective here iscuriosity.The conversation will flow more naturally this way.

Don’t get unnerved by natural lulls and pauses in conversations.

Refrain from filling gaps in conversation with nervous rambling.

Breathe and enjoy the moment.

If you notice something you genuinely admire about someone, politely mention it.

The key here is simplicity, but sincerity.

Don’t just compliment for the sake of flattery.

Tasteful, sincere compliments open people up, and can be a great opening for another open-ended question.

Keep the focus on the other person by only sharing personal details or stories when absolutely relevant.

Again, don’t talk solely to fill space.

Anxiety can distract you from conversations as your mind races ahead.

Catch yourself if this happens, take a breath, and calmly re-focus on the moment.

Don’t stress about where the conversation “should” go next or fret over an earlier awkward moment.

Stay engaged in the present.

Having better, less anxious conversations requires tuning into the other person without expectations.

Curiosity and sincere interest opens up honest dialogue where performance and posturing closes it off.

Try shifting your mindsetthe connections you make will become more real, raw and rewarding.