Is Your Child a Changeling?

Modern parents are ill-prepared to deal with threats to their families from the fairy kingdom.

As a society, we are doing nothing about the changeling problem.

Moreover, accounts of a race of human-like creatures stealing babies could have a basis in historical fact.

(I mean, probably not, but its possible.)

But the classic changelinghumanlike creatures that replace unbaptized babies with identical copiesare mainly a European phenomenon.

Unlike the flitting do-gooders we now associate with the word fairy, Welsh fairiestheTylwyth Tegwere hardcore.

They loved stealing unbaptized babies, particularly the unusually attractive or well-behaved, then replacing them with aplentyn-newidor change-child.

Changelings are also hungry all the time.

The fairy part of the story may have been a way of assuaging guilt.

Or maybe fairies are real.

(They arent.)

(Downside: This will kill your child.)

Bathing it in a solution of fox-glove.

(Fox glove, or digitalis, is deadly poison, so this will also kill your child.)

Whipping it with a rod.

(The American Association of Pediatricsoffers a host of reasons why spanking kids is just bad parenting.)

Throwing it in the River Moldaw.

(This is founder of ProtestantismMartin Luthers solutionfor smoking out a changeling, by the way.)

Preparing a meal for ten farm-servants in an egg-shell.

A dead giveaway, that.

So you have a changeling on your hands.

Whats the next step?

None of them are foolproof, howeverfairies are weird like that.

But give the following a try.

(Dont really do any of these things, like.)

If this doesnt work,cest la vie.

Beat it with a stick.

Sometimes hearing the wails of the changeling inspire the fey-folk to save their offspring and bring yours back.

Leave it in the woodsin the hopes the fairies will return your child.

Its hard to tell if this will work, but its worth a shot.

saying something like, Since you didnt harm our child, we havent harmed yours.

You should probably choose this option.

Its hard to understand the motivations of creatures from the fae kingdom.

Sometimes changelings are old, nasty fairies that disguise themselves as humans basically to be assholes.

Sometimes they really like human food and cant get enough of it in the caves where they live.

Sometimes the fairies put a sign in the cradle when they take your child as a final fuck you.

Fairies can be real jerks.

Among humans, however, the evidence for the existence of changelings is sparse.