Sun Tzu once said the supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.
And that goes double when the drinks are flowing.
People can get a bit hot-headed when theyre on the sauce, and in some cases, physical.
That meansdeveloping your situational awarenessand using your head.
Most people have a good time and leave long before the shit starts.
Just about everyone whos going to hook up has already done so and is off having fun.
Look around the bar and sense the mood.
Is there a guy brooding at the bar?
Is there a gal loudly and angrily venting to her friend?
Can you hear somebody trying to start something with somebody else?
If so, it might be time to find another bar or head home.
Learn to get a feel for that turning point and get out before things get rough.
If they insult you, dont insult them back.
If they push you, dont push them back.
If they stare you down, dont give them the ol stink eye.
As soon as you reciprocate the same energy, things are far more likely to escalate.
Situations like this are not about pride.
Your goal is to carry on with your night and get home safe, so ditch the ego.
The deep breath will help you keep calm and avoid matching their intensity levels.
The sooner it’s possible for you to say something the better.
As this occurs, the natural response is to retaliate back.
Seabrook also points out that what you say matters quite a bit in this pop in of situation.
Saying something like back off loser isnt going to help, so choose your words wisely.
And be ready to get called out and egged on.
Dont take the bait and enjoy the rest of your night.
They may be a ball of booze and anger, but theres still a rational human being somewhere inside.
Start with an apologyeven if whatever transpired before the encounter was their fault.
After you apologize, they might sputter an insult and leave you be.
If not, throw them a curveball and introduce yourself like a civilized person.
This wrench you toss in their gears shifts their mindset and brings their escalating temper to a grinding halt.
If you might sell it even a little bit, theyll probably leave you alone.
Nobody wants to beat up an unemployed cancer patient with a lost dog.
Confusion is also a powerful tool.
Brown was able to avoid a fight simply by saying The wall outside my house isnt four foot high.
His near-attacker stopped in confusion with a What?
He is wrong-footed, confused and no longer in control.
He experiences an adrenalin dump, which leaves him useless.
After I told him about the Spanish walls, I added, But here, theyre tiny!
Look at these ones!
And I pointed out a tiny three-brick-high wall around the garden right next to us.
He looked at the wall, and that movement told me that I now had the upper hand.
This trick is in the same vein as introducing yourself.
Lay it all out for them and suggest that you both leave each other alone.
Of course, if your Hey come on, arent we both here to have fun?
question is answered with No, Im here to fight, you only haveone other option.
Bar staff doesnt want fights in their establishments and they wont think twice to toss them out.
And if they dont get kicked out, find another bar.
Preferably one that cares about the safety of their patrons.
Illustration by Sam Woolley.
Photos byGavin St. Ours,Tony Kennick,Mike Carter,Broad Bean Media, andLisa Picard.
