Let me start by saying, I have three kidswhich feels like too many.

Oh, and its Christmas.

None of these things work together.

Which is why, this holiday season, Im feeling an extra dose of fuck it.

Because you know what I failed to realize?Idbe the one responsible for creating all the magic.

All of this ispardon my Frenchafucktonof work.

For Christmas-celebrating parents of littles, December is always extra.

The stress of holiday duties can do a number on your Christmas spirit.

If yours is on life support, what can you do?

Less, thats what.

You thought your two little sparkly white deer from Target were enough to make your table festive?

You dont need that kind of negativity in your life.

Discontinue the Elf on the Shelf

Whats that, you say?

(Tonight hes camping out, using a piece of spaghetti to make smores!

Tonight hes having a spa day in a sink full of cotton balls!

Tonight hes wrapped in a tinfoil space suit, hanging from the light fixture like an astronaut!)

Im good, thanks.

Dont go to the mall

Do not, under any circumstances, go into a mall.

Do you hear me?

Heroic statements, all.

This includes your spouses family.

Does your partner have a wallet and a computer?

They have everything they need to buy presents fortheirparents.)

I know you may feel like youshould.

(I sure do.)

(And a nice celebration will be coordinated, anyway.)

This was a mistake.

Unless you enjoy sending reminders, fielding multipleDo you have Paypal?

requests, and tracking deposits across three different accounts, learn from me.

Chocolate, gift card, done.

Stop wrapping presents

Dont get me wrong.

Your kids actually wont remember, or care, how their gifts are packaged.

Dispense with the five-step process of measuring, cutting, folding, taping, and ribboning.

Use gift bags, or go hardcore.

That said, 2021 has been a boil on the butt of humanityand you lived through it.

As a reward this year, employ any time-saving measure you could.

Dont do either of those.)

Ditch the holiday cards

I love receiving holiday cardswhich is why I make holiday cards.

I adore receiving happy mail and displaying it so much, Im afraid to stop making them.

Not to be corny, but the season and the warm nostalgia we carry with us arent about gifts.

But our kids wont remember if we didnt go ice skating.

And the cold nights they got to stay up late with popcorn, cocoa, and a movie.

At least, thats my story and Im sticking to it.

Im off to watchAlien Xmas.