What is sensate focus?
Couples and sex therapistDr.
Lee Phillipsonce worked with a couple that had recently had a child.
The mother had lost her sex drive, which was leading to conflict with her partner.
What do you prefer?
What does the pressure feel like?
Is it firm or soft?
What do you like?
With texture, are your partners hands smooth or rough?
The technique involves a series of assignments that couples complete at home and then discuss with a therapist.
Sensate focus exercises, explained
The sensate focus technique consists of a series of at-home exercises.
Each person takes turns touching their partner for their own pleasure, without trying to arouse the partner.
This step is crucial for building trust, comfort, and reconnecting with the body, John says.
But even then, its important not to aim for sexual arousal or intercourse.
This stage encourages a deeper understanding of your partners body and can foster a sense of vulnerability and intimacy.
Relationship and sex therapistDr.
Before engaging in sensate focus, Phillips recommends setting the mood.
During the exercise itself, youll decide who will first be the giver and who will be the receiver.
Remember, skin is a large sex organ; its everywhere.
You may moan and groan when something feels good.
You may even say something feels good out loud; everyone loves positive feedback, he says.
Use all five senses.
Afterward, Phillips recommends discussing how the experience was for each of you.
This is not a physically therapeutic massage, so keep your strokes light and soft, she says.
Dont forget to massage the scalp, hands, and feet.
After people complete sensate focus exercises, Nelson often advises them to journal about what feelings came up.
I like to ask: What happened to you?
What made it difficult for you?
What were some of those automatic negative thoughts that were coming up?
What were the thoughts that kept you from being as present as youd like to be?
Its important to hear what these distractions are in their heads so they can start addressing them.
Many times, there are long-held belief systems that come up that are important to address.
The slow pace and goalless structure are aimed at helping people notice their sensations and quiet their minds.
Refocus on the sensations whenever you realize you are thinking of something else, Phillips advises.
you’re free to touch and ask questions, Nelson says.
What does this sensation feel like?
Do you like a firmer pressure?
Do you like a softer touch?
Where do you like to be touched?
What about your neck?
