Most people arent intentionally toxic.

We may not discover for many years whether were raising happy, healthy, well-adjusted young adults or not.

If you see yourself if any of these, youre not alone.

Weve all done some of this to some degree at some point.

Weve all had bad days.

Kids are both resilient and forgiving, and theres always time to course-correct.

The first step is recognizing the areas that need a reset.

Of course they are; we all did.

At first, we may mean to describe a behavior, particularly one that is undesirable.

With kids, Im talking about things likeshy,picky,stubborn,bossy, or acrybaby.

Kids have a way of rising (or falling) to our expectations of them.

Call a boy a crybaby, and he learns to stuff his emotions deep inside.

Call a kid a picky eater, and they become even more resistant to trying new things.

Using discipline to punish, not teach

Do your kids need to experience consequences when they misbehave?

Sure, of course they do.

When we pull them up too harshly for everything they get wrong, the environment feels fragile.

The need for control escalates, because of what can come out of nowhere.

Influence will always be more far-reaching than control.

Influence comes from being someone they want to listen to, rather than being someone they are scared of.

Dont let punishment fill the gap when you dont know what else to do.

Be okay with asking for space and time.

I am not happy with the way you hurt your sister.

I need to think about what happens next.

Alternatively, involve them in the process.

You have really hurt her feelings by calling her names.

What do you think should happen next?

Because we knew he would be.

Kids can feel how they feel.

Letting your own frustration get the best of you

We all yell from time to time.

You should betheirsounding board, but not the other way around.

Chances are good theyve already noticed the differences anyway (how could they not?).

Remember that your kids aresupposedto be differentthey are individuals.

(While youre at it, dont compare them to their friends either.)