Not all advice need be professional.
Luckily for you, Im that guy.
Welcome back to Tough Love.
How do you impose limits on a longtime relationship that suddenly doesnt feel so great anymore?
Note: Im a columnist, not a therapist or certified healthcare professional.
My advice should be interpreted with that in mind.
If you have a problem with anything I say,file a complaint here.Now, let us begin.
Dear Sam,
Im hoping you’re able to help me with a predicament that Ive been in.
Ive had a very close group of friends that I met in college, 20 years ago now.
Weve all split between the east and west coasts over time, but have remained very close.
Quite frankly, I do not enjoy my time with him, and havent for many years.
Which in turn makes it hard for us to be happy for them.
Needless to say, much resentment has been built.
Both my wife and I agree that we could benefit from our space from them.
We also very much love our neighborhood and school district.
Is it possible to insert the necessary space without severing a two decade old friendship?
Thank you for any advice you could give.
I would very much like to save this friendship and not abandon it.
But I do not know how to accomplish this.
To me, it sounds like your friend and his wife might be insecure.
Jealous people tend to be competitive.
But it sounds like youve known this guy for a long time and understand the limits of your relationship.
So with that in mind, why not just limit the hell out of this relationship?
Impose an emotional blockade, not only for him, but for you.
Life is too short to have shitty friends.
Maybe mute some of your group chats with them if thats bothering you.
Are they fine in groups but lousy one-on-one?
Think about when you were a kid: Were your parents close with all of your friends parents?
But you should decide whatyouneed to do to implement some healthy distance, and then stick to the plan.
Sometimes friends naturally, subconsciously drift apart; youre just doing it consciously in this case.
