Im not sure this DIY extrudermeatsthose criteria.

You have probably seen this very viral video by now.

A blowtorch is involved, as is a drill.

(Already, we are off to a very streamlined, not at all unnecessarily complicated start.)

(My editor agreed.)

Making and using this contraption ended up beingquitethe journey, and I invite you to come along.

First, I had to gather my supplies.

(Actually, I probably could have done either step first.)

I turned my kitchen torch to its lowest setting, and aimed it at the pipe.

The pipe immediately caught on fire.

After the fire was extinguished, I tried again, this time holding the flame further away.

It looked like a toasted marshmallow, if marshmallows came shaped like elbows.

I shoved the Dr. Pepper bottle inside the pipe.

To my surprise, it formed a powerful seal.

Then it was time to make the skewer hole.

Im pretty sure I had the wrong drill bit, because I could not make a hole.

The bit just slid off the pipe, marring it slightly.

I tried to make a little pre-hole with a screw, but that was also unsuccessful.

When I walked into the store, the probably-a-drill set off the theft alarm.

Luckily, helovedsilly projects.

When I took my pipe-bottle out of my bag, his face lit up.

I know exactly what youre doing!

he said, positively beaming.

I think I need a different drill bit, I said, pulling the dear-God-I-hope-this-is-a-drill from my bag.

He showed me the drill bit I would need.

I asked him for some general drilling tips, and he told me I should probably use a vice.

I dont have a vice, I muttered, new-found confidence dissolving likecotton candy in a puddle.

Now I was ready for some meaty action.

I cut the bottle so I would have a place to put the meat.

I did not, however, cut it in the optimal place.

This turned out to not be a huge deal.

The meat remained impossibly immobile.

Several recipes did, in fact, instruct one to put the meat in the food processor.

I processed the meat, refilled the chamber, and gave it another go.

It worked, and the meat slid right out of the chamber, forming quite the meat tube.

The meat tubes came out very tube-like, but they did slide around on the stick quite a bit.

I put them in a bag and set them in the fridge.

Im not sure if Id call this a good hack.

For contrast, I molded some meat around a skewer with my human hands.

I havent attempted to clean it yet.

I might just throw it away.