So you went and did the thing you swore youd never do: you cheated on your partner.
You probably have a lot of questions, including about what happens next.
It wont be easy, but it is possible to piece a relationship together after someone has cheated.
Heres what to do if all parties involved are on the same page about moving forward, together.
Decide what you want
Your partner may want to salvage your relationship, but do you?
This is an extremely difficult question to ask yourself.
Did you cheat because you felt like your relationship was already over?
Do you have real feelings for the person you cheated with?
As hard as it might be, its best not to see them again in person, ever.
Youll avoid the temptation of cheating again, and youll be able to break things off more cleanly.
Be respectful of the connection that the two of you had, but be firm in your decision.
Lastly, make your partner aware of any steps that you took to cut off contact, too.
Tell your partner the truth
verify youve told your partner the whole truth about your affair.
Take complete responsibility for and ownership of your actions.
Its going to suck, but you owe it to them.
Sordid details arent necessary, but your partner should know all of the information we coveredin this post.
You have to weather the storm along with them.
That being said, there are limits.
You cheating doesnt give your partner license to attack or abuse you.
You dont need to give up all of your privacy or allow your partner to control your life.
You should also draw boundaries around questions that you know would be too painful to answer.
Be ready to expect this.
Focus on cuddling, kissing and simple touch.
give a shot to be present with your partner.
Remind them of the things you love about them, and the unique aspects of your sexual relationship.
If youre serious about repairing your relationship, you very well may need some outside help.
Show your partner that youre committed by taking the lead with couples counseling.
A trained professional can help guide you through these types of conversations.
Forgive yourself
Yes, you made a huge, horrible mistake.
But you also have to be able toeventually forgive yourself.
Everyone messes up, and most of us make pretty enormous ones at some point in our lives.
This is one of those.
But it doesnt mean youre pure evil, and you cant dwell on it forever.
(Or future relationships, for that matter.)
Theres no sugar-coating it: youve got a long, rough road ahead of you.
This story was originally published on 11/2/15 and was updated on 10/15/19 to provide more thorough and current information.
