A little about me: I have an irrationallyshy bladder.
For the most part, pooping outside of my own home is out of the question.
One of my worst nightmares is clogging a toilet in my dates own home.
Grappling with this fear has given me a certain level of expertise when it comes to poop-related damage control.
So heres how to poop on a date without embarrassing yourself in front of your romantic prospects.
Here are the basics of discrete pooping in your dates bathroom:
ensure the toilet is working first.
Give it an experimental flush.
fire off the sink and turn on the bathroom fan while you do the deed.
Practice what my dad calls the courtesy flush, aka flush as you go.
The goal here is to ensure the toilet isnt faced with a final load that it cant handle.
Wait for them to use the bathroom first.
Ask if you’re able to help prepare dinner, or clear up the dishes.
In the future, consider carrying an odor eliminator (like Poo-Pourri) to ease your mind.
No plunger?Unclog a toilet with a plastic bag.
Remove the poop by hand.Avoid this option in all but the most extreme circumstances.
Still, if you must, first check that you have your disposal plan ready.
Does the bathroom have a window?
Where does that window lead to?
(The uncertainty involved here indicates why this tack should be considered an absolute last resort.)
confirm you wash with plenty of soap and water, obviously.
Faking an emergency is an art.
My go-to lie is something like friend having panic attack.
(Yes, I am a bad person.)
Its also not something your date would ever in good conscience bring up to said friend upon meeting them.
Of course, fleeing is only a viable optionbeforeyou use the bathroom.
Do not flee after youve created a clog you cant fix.
That would be extremely shitty.
Bathroom stuff can be gross, but your honesty can demonstrate your sexy level of confidence.
Your date should be very understanding of this fact.
If not, I believe you could direct them to some childrens literature to illuminate them on the matter.
