We are ghosts in our own lives.
OpenAI’s ChatGPT
I read a lot of science fiction as a child.
At first I was entranced by the “Gee whiz!
spirit of the genre, but I was soon reading stories that were barely disguised warnings.
I don’t read science fiction any more.
We’re past the need for warnings because it’s all happening for real.
The best we can hope for is to drown without embarrassing ourselves; to let things end with grace.
But we’re even fuckingthatup.
Did you know that you’re able to getfree shippingon Amazon orders with a membership toAmazon Prime?
And you get free access toPrime Video?
Ignoring the inevitable
Why are you even going through the pantomime of your life?
Go back to bed and just stay there.
Some people sleep on beds like thisESHINE Split King Adjustable.
But do you deserve comfort at that level?
So get thisinflatable bed instead.Tell yourself it’s just as good and that you’re not jealous at all.
Dont worry about a bed frame or headboardjust put it on the floor.
But do consider sheets.
Theres something to be said for classic bare mattress-style depression, but you’re not an animal.
TheseLuxClub sheetsare 100% cotton and come in a variety of colors to hide the stains.
Before long, you won’t know or care if it’s daytime or night.
You may be asking, But wont I starve?
Perhaps in a hopeful voice.
Instead youll cook your meals in bed with this priced-to-moveGeorge Foreman 12-Serving Indoor/Outdoor Rectangular Electric Grill.
Maybe if you buy this it will attract that to you.
It’s worth a shot.
Speaking of bodily needs, its time to ditch the pee bottles and move up to a nicebedside commode.
Your new depression-nest hobbies
The transition from struggling member of society to bitter shut-in can be difficult.
attempt to play music with thiselectric piano.
Give up because it’s hard and because you don’t have any ideas worth pursuing.
Buy this “facial firming serum,” because its name is “When hope is not enough.”
Which is good, because you have no hope.
Installhidden cameraseverywhere and obsessively monitor them even though you live alone.
How else will catch whoever keeps breaking in and moving your pills?
Purchase aPeletonwhile thinking to yourself, “I’m totally giving a shit about my health.”
Use it twice, then leave in the corner of the room to remind you of your failure.
Potters are really soulful and in touch with themselves.
Maybe apotter’s wheelwill help you feel that way too.
Get aretro gaming systemto revisit the video games of your childhood.
Remember how much fun you used to have?
and everything else, youre going to need at least two good televisions.
I recommend thisAmazon Fire TV 55" 4-Series 4K UHD smart TVand this75" Sony.
It’s Mini LED, QLED ,4K, Ultra HD, blah, blah, blahwho cares?
Together they’re very expensive, even on Prime Day, but don’t worry about it.
Put it all on theAmazon credit cardyou applied for.
There’s no need to pay it back.
Theres no future anyway and it’s not like Amazon can kill you because you owe them money.
When your TVs arrive (courtesy of Amazon Primes free delivery!)
set them up on the floor.
Put a TV on each side of your air mattress.
Its not all terrible.
Life isnt 100% despair.
To keep the sputtering flame of hope alive, purchase thisdancing cactus toy.
Look at its funny face!
Look at how it dances!
It’s hilarious, but then it’shypnotic.
Laugh and laugh at the funny gyrations night and day.
Are they trying to tell you something?
What are they saying?
