All the different parenting schools of thought (gentle parenting, attachment, etc.)
tackle the age-old dilemma ofhow to get your kids to listenand follow your directions.
However, she says, Declarative language shares information without placing demands.
(Instead of, Feed the dog.)
Memory: I remember that you had a math test today.
Id love to hear how it went.
(Instead of, Tell me about your test.)
Plan: Its time to leave for school.
(Instead of, Get in the car or Go to the bus stop.)
Idea: I think it would be fun to go to ride bikes right now.
(Instead of, Go outside and ride your bike for a bit.)
Feeling: Your sister looks sad after being yelled at by you.
She might want a hug or an apology.
(Instead of, Say youre sorry.)
Opinion: It is cold out today!
Lets get your coat so you stay warm.
(Instead of you oughta wear your coat.)
Declarations work better than commands for a few reasons.
Theres volition and ownership, says parent coach and psychiatrist,Jess Beachkofsky.
Beachkofsky says to Use (declarative language) as ateaching point for cause and effect.
For example, Im worried you may run out of time if you dont start your homework soon.
Youll need to give yourself time to practice and get the phrasing right.
Here the subject of the sentence is still you, but it is implied.
Instead, modify the statement to be, Its time to get dressed.
In this example that might be, Do you want to get dressed first or brush your teeth first?
or Do you want to get dressed now or in five minutes?
Timing is everything
In comedy and parenting, timing is everything.
A teaching term, wait time, can be applied to declarative language to make it more effective.
Think of a teacher asking a class, What is the moral of this story?
No one answers right away unless your classroom has a Hermione Granger present.
This is because processing speeds differ when people get new information.
Instead of supplying answers or more language, give a shot to give the words time to sink in.
