To really get romance brewing, you gotta take off your mask and chisel through the superficial stuff.
It gives you an escape if things arent going as well as youd hoped.
It can keep you both wanting more.
A quick date also keeps the focus on breaking the ice right out the gate.
If you both are having a great time and want to keep going, great!
Being spontaneous can be exciting.
Its also best to meet them there, instead of sharing a ride.
Just remember to choose places with activities that still allow you to talk and get to know each other.
Walking can make talking easier, especially when youre walking around things or places to talk about.
Theres nothing wrong with trying to look decent, but dont go overboard.
Most people are perfectly fine with going Dutch and paying for themselves on a first date.
so that get to know someone, they have to be willing to invest a little.
This could even be something small like, could you grab me a straw?
Or, could you watch my stuff for a minute while I get a coffee?
Frankly, any small request will do the trick.
This is known as the Benjamin Franklin Effect, and its an incredibly easy way to break the ice.
Now, theyll feel more comfortable with you and be more willing to open up.
Share a funny story or talk about something youre passionate about.
Doing this gives you great insight into his personality.
Not only are you sharing something first, but youre making them feel comfortable by putting them in control.
While youre sharing, however, its best to keep the skeletons in your closet for now.
Everyone has baggage, but a first date isnt necessarily the best time to unload it all.
That being said, some questions are better than others when it comes to getting past the superficial stuff.
The best questions are fun, interesting, and also steer clear of anything too personal.
At the same time, theres nothing wrong with diving intosome of the riskier, heavier topics.
or Why are you single?
Those kinds of questions are not only personally revealing, but also judgemental in nature.
Even if things dont work out, it at least makes the date more interesting and memorable.
Just be sure to keep an open mind, and remember that their opinions are their own.
It shouldnt be a debate, it should be discussion.
If you met them through an online dating site, you may already know some details about them.
Ask for more information about what you already know.
And when in doubt, compliment something about them and follow up with a question about it.
While theres no harm in simple questions like, how was your day?
those questions arent going to give you a feel for who they are.
Remember, a good conversation is a two-way street.
Be curious and look for the stories behind the details that are already out in the open.
Their answers should be the pathway to good conversation, so dont be afraid to dig a little deeper.
Furthermore, you want them to get to know the real you too!
Treat their questions like short essay questions rather than multiple choice.
If they ask you how many siblings you have, dont just list them off.
Share a funny story about your siblings and your relationship with them as well.
The more you share this way, the more likely they are to reciprocate.
Illustration by Sam Woolley.
