Early in my career I had an interaction with a boss I now regret.
She began by saying, I want to give you some feedback on your work.
She made little eye contact and had a deadpan tone.
As she spoke, my heart pounded, and I began to sweat.
The first three were tasks I wasnt responsible for; my coworker owned those duties.
The remaining feedback was unexpected because it was about deliverables others had said were high quality.
Not only did I feel dumped on but half of it was flat-out wrong.
While I did correct her on the items that were inaccurate, I stayed silent on the other stuff.
I left the meeting upset and feeling dejected.
Certainly, I could blame my manager.
Her approach to giving feedback was dismal.
What I have since learned, however, is that we cant control the abilities of our bosses.
All we can control is our reaction to them.
Moreover, bosses make mistakestheyre not perfect.
What I regret most, though, is not sticking around to talk about it.
I didnt stand up for myself because I didnt know how.
Instead, I acted impulsively.
Speaking up when you get inaccurate or unfair feedback is a skill that anyone can develop.
I have, and you’re free to too.
Here are some tips.
Instead, say thank you, even if its unfair or inaccurate.
The majority of bosses are uncomfortable giving feedback, and they might be fearing your reaction.
Saying thank you will help neutralize emotions for you both.
You also demonstrate a willingness listen, which shows maturity and professionalism.
It might sound like, Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
If you find your heart-racing or a strong reaction coming on, you might say, Thank you.
Can I have some time to process this?
Seek out examples and context.
Inquire about your managers expectations and what about your performance, specifically your work, isnt meeting the expectation.
Get clear on the frequency of the issue.
Is this a one-off issue or a repeated pattern of behavior?
Also, keep in mind this is an evaluation of your work performance, not you as a person.
Keep your mindset focused on the work.
Beating yourself up or continuing to feel dejected wont help you move forward.
Seek out other feedback
Your managers opinion is a single data point.
While its an important one, it is still the perspective of just one person.
Seek out feedback from trusted colleagues to gauge how significant it is.
Lets say your boss thinks youre always late to meetings but you disagree.
If they agree, then you know this is a big problem.
This is about the having the ability to adapt your behavior to the expectations of others.
It is a skill that will serve you well throughout your career.
Step into their shoes
Try on some empathy for your supervisor.
This is to seek an understanding of their experience.
Do they have a heavy workload?
What kind of manager dotheyhave?
Are they under a lot of pressure?
When they gave you the unfair feedback, is it possible they were just having a bad day?
Giving your boss the benefit of the doubt isnt just helpful; its humane.
This was my biggest regret in my interaction.
I remember my boss being under a lot of pressure, and we all worked long hours.
Instead, I held a grudge.
Lets say your boss thinks youre not being a team player and communicating well with the team.
After you have worked more closely with your peers, tell your manager.
It was a good meeting, and we plan to meet regularly.
Bosses are busy and may forget to pay attention to your efforts.
Being obvious about your efforts can help.
Getting corrective feedback at work is expected.
It is information intended to improve performance, but sometimes, it will be wrong or feel unfair.
How you handle it is an indicator of your ability to maintain positive and productive relationships at work.
