When you think about sexual desire, you usually only thing of one thingcraving sex.
But there are actually two completely different types of sex drive: spontaneous desire and responsive desire.
We can feelmentallyinterested in sex.
The idea of it sounds good.
We may even start fantasizing about it.
We can also get physiologically ready for sex.
For people with penises, that means getting an erection, and the testicles tightening and lifting.
For people with vaginas, that means getting lubricated and getting a rush of blood to the genitals.
For everyone, that means nipples getting hard, heart rate increasing, and breath deepening.
To have sex, both things should happen.
Spontaneous desire
Spontaneous desire happens when that mental interest arises first.
You want to have it.
Ideally, youd seek out a willing partner and start hooking up.
Then your body would start preparing for the actual act of sex.
According to researcher Emily Nagoski, about 75% of men and 15% of women have spontaneous desire.
About 5% of men and 30% of women have responsive desire.
Why does it matter?
Again, most people think that sex drive should happen spontaneously.
Responsive sex drive types arent low desire; they just have different needs to feel desire.
Is it better to be spontaneous?
In my experience, spontaneous sex drive types often suffer from more performance issues than responsive types.
Realizing that youre perfectly normal and healthy can be an incredible weight off of your shoulders.
Its important to take the time to think about the throw in of stimulation that usually gets you going.
Of course, you never want to push yourself to do something that you genuinely dont want to do.
that it doesnt always need to involve a hard penis or an orgasm.)
