Scoring the phone number of someone youre interested in feels like a major victory, and it is.
But its also just the beginning.
Heres the best way to approach texting someone you want to date, according to the experts.
Dont wait X days to reach out
The first text is always the hardest.
How long do you wait to message that cute guy from the gym?
Nerdlovetold us that you should always touch base sooner rather than later.
Dont be afraid of the initial text message.
Dont text him at odd hours, like late at night or really early in the morning.
Texting the cute guy from the gym when hes trying to sleep will turn that yay shes texting me!
moment into why is that girl waking me up?
Not a great first impression.
In fact, if you browse some online dating profiles youll probably find people sharing the same advice.
While writing the bookModern Romance, comedianAziz AnsariandDr.
Its generic, dull, and lazy.
A good first text will explain who you are and reference your previous interaction in some way.
While making plans, be as direct as possible.
If youre genuinely interested in the person, suggest a specific day and time for your date.
Dont text Wanna do something this weekend?
Instead, say Hey, Id love to take you out for dinner Wednesday night.
Say something like Hey, how about dinner at that restaurant we talked about on Wednesday night?
Keep calm and dont be pushy
Dont make your early text messages an interview.
Did they get my text?
Why arent they answering?
Did I offend them somehow?
Are they ignoring me?
The fewer direct questions you send their way, the fewer responses you have to stress about.
If a conversation starts, great; if not, dont stress it.
Some people dont text much…
If you are already talking, follow the flow of conversation.
Dont take a stab at force it; if things taper off, let them.
Its much easier to make someone lose interest by being too pushy.
Good text conversation, according to Nerdlove, is like a tennis match.
If he doesnt, wait at least a day before you send another.
A good rule of thumb is to keep it to one text per response per day.
A text like looking forward to seeing you tomorrow isnt a bad idea.
Generally, interviewees explained that it made the sender seem unintelligent and lazy.
Avoid using shortened chatspeak like l8r, 2day, b4, and plz.
Chatspeak can also be easily misunderstood if the receiver doesnt know the abbreviations you use.
All in all, stick to correctly-spelled words and clear languageat least at first.
Dont text the girl from work fyi i frgt have an appt l8r idk if i can meet 2day.
Say something clear like I forgot I have an appointment this afternoon.
Im so sorry, do you mind if we reschedule our date for tomorrow?
The punctuation you use matters as well.
Research suggests that using periods to end all of your messages canmake them seem too final and insincere.
It might be a good idea tostop using them in texts across the board.
At the same time, an exclamation point has been shown to make messages seemmoresincere.
For example, theres a big difference between the texts Im fine.
when youre on the receiving end.
The first almost looks angry, while the other one seems light and carefree.
Also, if youre asking a question, always use a question mark to avoid confusion.
Always mind your tone
As Nerdlove explains, tone is incredibly difficult to gauge via text.
Use the other persons real name early on, not nicknames or pet names.
You should be especially cautious, however, of using sarcasm in your texts.
It rarely reads as well as it sounds in your head.
Lastly, keep your selfies and other pictures to yourself unless it has been okayed by them.
Never send unsolicited anything.
According to their focus groups, texting back immediately can potentially make you seem overeager or desperate.
If you want to respond, respond.
What do you do?
Send something like Just finishedEmily in Parison Netflix.
or On my way to the water park.
If you get any questions or other responses, theyre probably still interested.
If not, it may be time to move on.
Two unreturned texts could be bad luck or someone being busy.
Three unreturned texts is a message.
Texting is so easy and non-confrontational that theres really no excuse for ghosting.
If the other person is halfway decent, treat them with respect and let them know youre not interested.
Updated 3/4/22 with new details.
