The Feedback Loop From Hell

Theres an insidious quirk to your brain that, if you let it, can drive you absolutely batty.

Tell me if this sounds familiar to you: You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life.

That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why youre so anxious.

Now youre becominganxious about being anxious.

Now youre anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety.

Quick, wheres the whiskey?

Or lets say you have an anger problem.

You get pissed off at the stupidest, most inane stuff, and you have no idea why.

And the fact that you get pissed off so easily starts to piss you off even more.

Now look at you: youre angry at yourself getting angry about being angry.

Fuck you, wall.

Here, have a fist.

Welcome to the Feedback Loop from Hell.

Chances are youve engaged in it more than a few times.

Oh my God, I feel like such a loser for calling myself a loser.

I should stop calling myself a loser.

Im doing it again!

Calm down, amigo.

Believe it or not, this is part of the beauty of being human.

Ah, the miracle of consciousness!

Look, eight people got married this week!

And some sixteen-year-old on TV got a Ferrari for her birthday.

Meanwhile, youre stuck at home flossing your cat.

And you cant help but think your life sucks even more than you thought.

Its this last part that gets us into trouble.

We feel bad about feeling bad.

We feel guilty for feeling guilty.

We get angry about getting angry.

We get anxious about feeling anxious.What is wrong with me?

This is whynot giving a fuckis so key.

This is why its going to save the world.

And then, as if sprinkled by magic fuck-giving fairy dust, youstop hating yourselffor feeling so bad.

We joke online about first-world problems, but we really have become victims of our own success.

Our crisis is no longer material; its existential, its spiritual.

And this rips us apart inside.

And, paradoxically, the acceptance of ones negative experience is itself a positive experience.

This is a total mind-fuck.

And yes, I just used my LSD hallucinations to make a philosophical point about happiness.

You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.

Or put more simply:

Dont try.

What about the beach body Ive been starving myself for?

After all, I paid a lot of money for that ab machine!

What about the big house on the lake Ive been dreaming of?

If I stop giving a fuck about those thingswell, then Ill never achieveanything.

I dont want that to happen, do I?

So glad you asked.

Ever notice that sometimes when you carelessabout something, you do better at it?

Notice how sometimes when you stop giving a fuck, everything seems to fall into place?

If pursuing the positive is a negative, then pursuing the negative generates the positive.

The pain you pursue in the gym results in better all-around health and energy.

The failures in business are what lead to a better understanding of whats necessary to be successful.

Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others.

The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships.

Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance.

Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires.

The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering.

The avoidance of struggle is a struggle.

The denial of failure is a failure.

Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.

To make a run at avoid pain is to give too many fucks about pain.

In contrast, if youre able to not give a fuck about the pain, you become unstoppable.

Image byOivind Hovlandvia Getty.