Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and relationship expert, is known for his work on divorce prediction.

Along with knowledge comes power, though.

Criticism in a marriage

To criticize is to express the judgment of another person, Phillips says.

Criticism is different from critiquing or confronting.

The latter entail addressing issues while the former is about attacking your partners character.

Phillips says criticism is destructive because it causes pain and disconneciton.

Criticism sounds like, Why are you taking out the trash like that?

You never do anything right.

Or, Im always trying to have a conversation with you, and you never listen to me.

Instead of saying,You never answer me.

Contempt in a marriage

Contempt is essentially acting superior to your partner, Phillips says.

According to the Gottman Institute,contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce.

Contempt sounds like, You really shouldnt wear that outfit.

Why cant you wear normal clothes?

Or, Youre such an idiot.

You never make any sense.

To prevent contemptuous behavior, its imperative that partners treat each other with respect and appreciation.

Instead of saying, What do you have to complain about?

You sit on your rear all day in your office job and then just play games online.

How pathetic, say, It sounds like youve had a rough day.

How can we make tonight better?

Defensiveness in a marriage

Defensiveness often results from criticism, Phillips says.

People often become defensive when feeling judged by their partners rather than being met with compassion and understanding.

Defensive can sound like, Why are you asking me to wash the dishes?

You know Ive had a long day at work.

Youre home all day.

Why dont you just do them?

Trade defensiveness for non-defensive responses, Philllips suggests.

Responding non-defensively involves hearing your partners perspective and taking personal responsibility.

Can we discuss what we both need for better communication?

Stonewalling entails shutting down, withdrawing, or giving your partner the cold shoulder.

According to Phillips, stonewalling is an ineffective way of coping.

Stonewalling essentially creates a wedge where the one partner feels shut out from the other.

Its important to regulate your emotions when you become emotionally flooded, Phillips says.

Instead of shutting down altogether, venture to communicate your need to calm down before continuing a conversation.