It was a wonderful example of someone talking around the obvious.
The one with the boys in blue,from ihatespam:
I live in Dallas, TX.
Years ago, Dallas had only one area code, 214.
That was about the same time I got my first cell phone.
They had a problem and needed the good Reverends help.
After about 9 months, I was finally able to get it to stop on my own.
Caller: Hear what?
He got picked up for solicitation.
The calls stopped after that night.
Im thinking the burning grapevine must have got the number corrected on the church call list.
The one with Sharna,from TheRevanchist:
The other wrong number was a recurring one.
Then, we had the best laugh ever!
Person was super thankful and believed it.
Thanked me and mentioned that she really enjoyed what she learned in class etc etc.
With a bunch of words of praise.
After reading this she called me, and I told her the truth, she was a bit sad.
I offered her my condolences and prayers and encouraged her to reach her friend again.
She texted back that she was sorry to have bummed me out but appreciated my concern.
I hope she is ok… Can you get this?
I dropped my phone in the toilet.
Can you get this?
I look up with my father.
Hey satish on my way to get Ocala for me looking for hello.
This is ann from work phone number.
Honest Ive been really hope this reminder you will know that was in the f*** where.
I love jingle on the me again.
Im assuming you got there is Italia.
every have a problem with your pool.
Apparently he paid 5 pounds on some obscure website and then found my (new) number there.
I hate you!!.
This is all true, I swear.
Also, this is not an old story, this happened late 2016!
The pope knows, man.
He knows shits goin down.
Sell all your stock, just sell it man.
18 months later:
Did you sell your shit like I told you?
Manny and Mooch didnt, and they done now - the pope screwed them.
These two still drive me crazy.
Maybe the pope knew of the market collapse?
IF he did, what did he do to Manny and Mooch?
Woman 1: Yep yep.
Woman 1: But you didnt want to fuck Will, um, James.
Woman 2: No thats so true.
Woman 1: But you do want to fuck Will?
Woman 2: Well I am not really up for sex, I am not bothered by it.
Woman 1: Arent you?
Woman 2: No, I completely lost my sex drive.
Woman 1: Im gagging for it.
Woman 2: Just completely…
Woman 1: Wonder why?
Woman 2: I dont know.
Woman 1: Try taking Ginko Biloba.
Gets your circulation, stimulates your bits…
Woman 2: Lovely.
Woman 2: Maybe thats what I need to do… Do you not get that?
Get here, yesterday.
I gotta think it was the dudes brother or something… Every weekend I would tell her she had the wrong number.
Every weekend she would be really embarrassed and apologize.
Every weekend she would promise to get it right next time.
Then the next week the call would come again.
You dont know each other, but you sort of do.
You are each on your way somewhere else and are just passing by and you wish each other well.
She eventually promised to have her son program Roses number into her phone and the calls stopped.
I still have the same number but havent heard from her in years.
I told her she had the wrong number.
She called again asking for Matt, I told her again, its the wrong number.
On the third call, I said Hey, whats up?
and went along as if I were Matt.
She asked if I was home, I replied Yeah.
She asked if she could come over.
I said Yeah, come on by.
Always curious as to how that turned out for her and Matt.
I still receive calls and texts meant for him sometimes.
Manager looked at the number and said, Uh, I think thats the bosss number.
Checked the number against his phone… Yep, it was our boss.
Cue the hysterical laughter.
in a groggy half-awake voice, she replied inquisitively with my first name.
When I replied Yes, it was enough for her that she had the right person.
So began a 5-minute long explanation of the worst day this young women had ever had.
I confirmed I was, only to be met with more of the days hardships.
Finally, she paused long enough.
Im very sorry that all this happened to you today.
I was finally awake enough to conjure coherent thought.
Who is this!?
You dont even know who this is!
You dont even care!
She swiftly hung up the phone.
I hit play on the answering machine and go to take a poop with the door open.
I have 24 messageswhich is definitely high.
All of them are this little old lady and she just keeps saying hello.
Then I noticed the time stamps.
They were all like 3 or 4 minutes apart and had started about an hour before I came home.
My name isnt Patrick… and I recognized the voice!
She immediately asks if Im home.
Are you home now!?
Yeah I just got home and got your mess…
Ill be right up!
and slams down the phone like this was a bad movie.
So I freak outIm dropping a loaf, door open, in my knickers.
She startles to see me, pushes past, and goes into my guest bedroom.
I hear footsteps over my bedroom (other end of the apartment) and then nothing.
Minutes go by and nothing.
Looking up, I can see Mrs. Smiths eyes through my AC vent.
We meet at the ladder and I help her down.
How about a tea?
And some lemon loaf?
My place, 10 minutes, and Ill explain everything.
It seems Patrick was Mr. Smiths best friend growing up.
And Mrs. Smith had relations with both him and her boyfriend, but couldnt pick which to keep.
So she kept both.
And she was a classic kink who liked to be watched.
I had apparently moved into her old boyfriends apartment, which she and Patrick had already set up.
Then, when they were done, theyd go down stairs and bump oldies together all over again.
This time, her gentleman caller had to wait for his little blue pill to take effect.
Hot and heavy foreplay lead to an early arrival, so he left, and she was unfulfilled.
So she went down to her room to await Patrick, who never showed.
Which I have kept until today.
