You actively look for pregnant ladies to give your seat to on the bus.
You always hold open doors for strangers.
You help your friend lug a sofa across town and up five flights to their new apartment.
Youre a nice person.
What is rough sex, anyway?
One way or another, rough sex is more intense than everyday sex.
Clients in my sex therapy practice say that consensual rough sex is fun because its so intense.
Theres a sense that youre breaking the rules or doing something you shouldnt be doing.
That element of the taboo makes it all the more thrilling.
It can be really fun to not have to be the nice person all the time.
There are no rules.
Still, you should only have rough sex if you genuinely feel interested in or curious about it!
Dont even get me started on the stories I heard in my practice after50 Shades Of Greywas released.
Theres nothing worse than being half-heartedly spanked.
Sometimes I hear partners say, I just want my partner to be rough.
I dont want to have to talk about it.
I get the appeal, but thats just not the way sex works.
You both have to be willing to discuss your desires and boundaries, and negotiate safety.
These kinds of conversations dont have to take all the fun out of sex, though!
Try roleplay
Rough sex is really about being in the right state of mind.
One way to work around this is to roleplay.
If you feel like youre just playing a character, it may be easier to let loose.
you could set up a specific roleplay scenario with your partner.
Pick something that has a natural power imbalance, like a teacher/student dyad.
For example, Youre mine tonight.
Im going to have my way with you.
Boss your partner around.Get down there and lick my clit right now.
Be withholding.Oh, you want to come?
Talking dirty is also a great way to reaffirm that you have permission from your partner.
(Remember, consent conversations should always come first.)
Or, You like that?
You want me to go harder?
Ease your way into it
As with all new sexual activities, I recommend starting small.
Give yourself time to get comfortable.
Here are some ways to experiment.
Try rotating between each of these three qualities.
Spank your partner.The best place to start spanking is right in the middle of the butt cheek.
Its a well-padded area, so it doesnt cause a lot of pain.
It also makes a nice satisfying sound!
Keep your fingers loosely together, and aim to make the most contact with your fingertips.
Scratch your partner.Good places for scratching include the back, the butt, and the neck.
Curl your fingers, and gently drag them like a rake across your partners skin.
Pull your partners hair.Take your hand rake and drag it up your partners neck, into their hair.
Curl your fingers tighter so you grab onto their hair.
Slowly increase your pressure into a nice squeeze.
Bite your partner.Aim for fleshy parts of your partners body.
Take their skin in between your teeth and gradually increase the pressure for a second or two.
With anything you do, pay attention to how your partner is receiving it.
Try grabbing parts of your body more forcefully, and getting a sense of when it starts to hurt.
Spank your thigh until you get the knack for the motion.
Bite and scratch yourself.
Pull your own hair.
