This Is the Type of Stress Your Kid Needs

Had I pushed her too hard?

I offered a few words of support and she entered the room alone.

Five minutes later, she emerged with a huge smile on her faceher hard work had paid off.

Many parents instinctively navigate around stressful situations when it comes to our kids.

I wanted to rescue my daughter from the stress surrounding her piano performance.

My daughter was experiencingeustress.

All stress is not created equal

Some stressthe right kind of stressis beneficial to us.

Negative stress, on the other handdistressis not helpful.

It causes anxiety and discomfort in the person experiencing it and can chip away at confidence and weaken performance.

The stress my daughter experienced with her piano performance was eustress flirting with the boundary of distress.

But I supported her in a positive way, and she put in the work necessary.

For her, the experience, though nerve-wracking, was positive and affirming.

Psychologists are careful topoint out the distinctionbetween distress and eustress.

One chips away at self-esteem; the other builds confidence.

One is better avoided.

The other is desirable and could even be considered necessary.

What does eustress look like for a kid, and how do we check that our kids experience it?

An achievable challenge, anyway.

Praise their determination and how far they came, without focusing on whether they won something.

Will we be good at it?

The point is that its fun to learn.

Most of us fear change.

If were comfortable where were at, why rock the boat?

But sometimes comfort means inertiasometimes it prevents growth.

For an adult, eustress could come from a career change or buying a new home.

And reframing and using stress as a positive motivator is a life skill we want our kids to have.