Theres an episode ofEverybody Loves Raymondwhere Ray remembers an effective parenting method he learned from his dad: AIS.

Hed say, Were leaving.

9 oclock, AIS!

and whoevers ass was not in their seat at the designated time would be left behind.

Ray tries it on Debra, his wife.

Moral: Dont try it on your wife.

(Also, yeah, I used to watch a lot ofEverybody Loves Raymonddont hate.)

It is not cute.

Needing to be places, like, five minutes ago, Ive resorted to various tactics.

Ive done sticker charts.

Ive tried to pump some energy into her with get ready songs on my phone.

Ive put pretend coins in her robot body so you can activate it.

(Im kind of proud of that one, TBH.)

And in desperate times, Ive dressed her my damn self and felt annoyed about it later.

Simply walk out the door, stand outside and wait.

Stand there for five or 10 minutes or however long it takes your kid to get moving.

And if theyre older and youve established your expectations, you’re free to leave.

Walk out the door.

Then I wondered, iseveryonedoing this?

But maybe we should.

I decided to give it a shot.

And then I walked out the door of her bedroom and then out the front door.

Moooooooooom, I need heeeeeeeelp, she cried.

I waited some more.

The next day, she did the same thing with a bit less complaining.

It was a morning miracle.

The child simply has to grapple with the challenge itself, Lewis says.

Theyre wanting to pull you into their drama, but youre removing yourself from being enmeshed in that way.

That gives a more powerful lesson than an unrelated punishment from a frustrated parent would.

Now they dont have the distraction of being angry at you and can learn, Lewis says.

The key is to plan it, she says.

We talked through what they must do if the car leaveseither take the city bus or walk to school.

These are things theyve done together as a family many times, so she knows they can handle it.

Maybe thatll happen one day.

But the confidence you present matters.

When you inhabit the belief that its going to happen, your attitude can really change the dynamic.

It takes a leap of faith, Lewis says, as does every decision you make as a parent.

Here, that leap begins with an air of certainty and the turn of a doorknob.