Have you ever seen a parent in deep discussion with a toddler over a Rice Krispie treat?
Right there in the middle of the grocery aisle.
Sometimes, we should talk less.
Yes, children need to learn about the world.
They thrive in the warm glow of our empathy.
I wrote awhole bookabout the importance of understanding kids perspective to make it solve discipline problems.
But that doesnt mean launching into an hour-long dissertation defense to explain a simple limit or household rule.
I was juggling my work bag and two empty travel mugs at the end of a long day.
A flush of heat rose in my chest.
Id told her so many times to hang up the backpack as soon as she walked in the door!
When, oh when, would this simple habit take hold?
I took a deep breath.
Of all my children, Ava responded the worst to reprimands.
Instead, I pulled a sticky note from a nearby stack.
I wrote: Dear Ava, I dont like lying down on the floor.
yo hang me up.
Love, Your Backpack.
I left it on the backpack and put away my own belongings.
I was surprised to see a smile on her face.
Mommy, look what I found!
This breakthrough started a whole new era in our family.
Whenever possible, we communicate limits and corrections in writing.
It keeps the emotion out of the interaction.
We post the daily schedule, household job chart and screen limits on the wall of our kitchen.
Of course, sometimes words are necessary to redirect a child.
In these situations, I attempt to keep the talking to a minimum.
Or tap my watch and say, Homework time.
(Long lectures are rarely attention getting.)
Sure, it takes self-control to bite back the impulse to lecture.
And creativity to come up with a way to discipline through notes or a few carefully chosen words.
But you may find that when you talk less, your children argue less in return.
Anyone with a long-winded kindergartener or argumentative teenager can appreciate the upside of a quiet home.
