Its wise not to put so much pressure on a first date that you create impossibly high expectations.
Youll only make yourself nervous and likely make your date uncomfortable.
But have we gone too far the other direction?
Its time to stop treating every first date like the first pancake on the skillet.
Do not feed it to the relationship dog.
Inan essayfor The Cut, writer Rainesford Stauffer writes that the best first date is getting a boring coffee.
You cant be a dating performance artist nailing all your lines; you have to be a person.
And activities and adventures are exciting, but sometimes you just want someone you might sit still with.
Who are all these master planners and generous benefactors?
It sounds like the folks planning these more elaborate dates were not her cup of teaor coffee.
Which is sad, because isnt that what were all kind of hoping were doing?
So, Im arguing for makingmoreof first dates.
In a totally chill, laid back, no pressure way, of course.
Starting out with coffee is a great low stakes way to feel out the vibe.
Instead of getting buzzed enough to ask for a kiss, youll be asking where the bathroom is.
A mural that would make for a good photo shoot?
I recently went on a date where after coffee, we were near a river.
We ended up going kayaking for a few hours, and it was a blast.
This could be someone you really like.
Take them to do something memorable in case they really like you, too.
It was awesome when those dates went well, because, well, I was near my house.
And if they were bad, I could leave without having wasted my time on a commute.
It wasnt a bad strategy for getting to know people and the bartenders became quite friendly.
The negative part was that my mind started to get into kind of a rut.
I found I was often coasting and not engaging as much as I might have in fresher surroundings.
As long as youre meeting a new person, why not try a new venue?
Things dont have to be huge commitments to be original and cool.
Itll also give you something to talk about besides how many siblings you both have.
It seemed like too serious a word to him.
Wed matched on Tinder and made plans to meet somewhere: what should we have called it, exactly?
Its not a huge deal, but it is different than just hanging out with a friend.
If youre having a bad run, admit when its time to take a break.
As Lord Byronwrote, The heart must pause to breathe, and love itself have rest.
Yes, I quoted Lord Byron.
Then youll be more open to having that kind of fun with a new person.
After a cup of coffee.
Aimee Lutkin is a freelance writer whoblogs a lot about dating.
She is currently traveling the country and going on a date in every city she visits.
