And you cant really do it too much.
Take a big, deep breath.
Let it out slowly, imagining its a big sigh of relief.
See
Look at your child.
Do you see signs of happiness, sadness, anger, fear, or confusion?
Take a moment to take in whats going on.
You are observing and collecting information that may be useful.
According to Escalante, sighing and seeing gives you some quiet and context prior to beginning.
Then (and only then) start thinking about what may be appropriate in that very moment.
Could a hug help?
Could they use some space?
Do they need a minute to accept a limit you just set?
Do they need to figure it out for themselves?
Start by trying something different, or even just pausing and doing nothing.
Mistakes are part of the process.
Start with an action that feels natural to you, something you feel confident about.
What are your interpersonal strengths?
Showing physical affection, being silly, asking questions, or validating feelings?
Start with your special skills.
Understand and use your strengths as a parent, rather than trying to fix your weaknesses, Escalante writes.
Here are a few tips if you still dont know how to start:
Ask your kid for ideas.
Adjust your involvement by stepping back or moving closer.
How does Sigh, See, Start work within your brain?
It can help us move out of stress and upset into a calmer state.
Seeing allows you to catch signals that you might normally miss.
We are blissfully unaware of all the information we dont notice.
Cognitive scientists now believe that the key function of the human brain is meaning-making.
When you start, you may feel that old pressure to act in the perfectly appropriate way.
Now I want to observe what is happening here.
I see you are crying, you must be upset.
Now Im going to see if you are physically hurt.
If not, lets try a hug and see if that helps.
How do you feel about this?
How much time and energy do you have to deal with this?
What have they told you or what have their behaviors told you?
Take stock of what you have observed and your resources to address the issue.
How important is this problem right now?
Is there another issue that takes priority?
Using sigh, see, start is a personalized version of the scientific method.
