I was terrified to parent alone.

Now I can say that some of those fears were realized.

But most were not.

The big surprise was how little time I had to worry about any of it.

Heres what Ive learned about parenting from being on my own.

I followed one of those Hal Higdon training regimens (recommend!

This didnt go well at first.

There was one particularly unlovely emergency diaper change miles from any bathroom.

Its one of the many boring adult activities she enjoys.

For me, too.

On runs, we chat about birds and flowers.

Point things out along the way, and let your kids touch and play with whatever captivates them.

Then do it again and again and again.

Eventually, it becomes routine, and they start to look forward to it.

Mommy, can we run errands?

is a question my daughter asks regularly.

you could Say No

I used to be terrible at saying no.

Now I say no to almost everything.

Work events that creep into evening hours.

Social gatherings that arent kid-friendly.

Its a matter of survival: If I overcommit and cant meet my daughters needs, who will?

Interestingly, Ive gotten better about saying no at work, too.

Now I say no thanks and move on.

This isnt a big revelation.

Most people become more discerning about how they spend their time after having children.

But perhaps not discerning enough.

The trick is to treat your time like a series of transactions.

Nine times out of 10, the answer is no.

My parents, in particular, have assumed an intensive nurturing role.

Theres the obvious benefit: I get time to myself.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have family nearby.

People love cute kids!

Asking them to care for your children is a gift not a burden.

The other important point is to back off andletthem act like parents.

Dont micromanage the relationship.

The more ownership you give others over your child, the more invested theyll be in her life.

Her response: Mommy, Im going to take care of you.

Adorable, but also… sad!

Shes only 3, and she already thinks she has to take care of me!?

I assumed Id be toothless and senile before she felt that way.

Another perspective: Shegetsto see me struggle.

That struggling is perfectly normal.

That domestic labor matters.

If youre upset about something, dont play the stoic or shut yourself in the bathroom to sob alone.

Open up to your kid.

Let her see how frustrated you are, and talk about your coping mechanisms.