In May of 2014, I wore my first costume to a convention.

It was a simpleDoctor Krieger from Archer.

Stepping into the shoes of a character I liked just seemed like a fun way to spend the weekend.

Instead, it turned into an exploration of what it means to be confident.

When youre young, you dont know who you are yet.

Most people stop this once they reach adulthood.

We may try on new roles, but its usually something more mundane like manager or goofy uncle.

Gone are the days of pretending to be a rock star or a queen or a dragon.

The first time I stepped into a costume, it woke up a little bit of that youthful experimentation.

Hes an unhinged scientist who rocks out to Rush,builds robot arms, anddoesnt have a medical degree.

Okay, so maybe were notthatdifferent.

Still, it felt weird to be pretending to be someone else.

Getting into Krieger felt like a new form ofimposter syndrome.

That feeling was surprisingly familiar.

Id felt like an imposter the first time I got a paid writing job.

Id felt it when I went on my first date.

That discomfort wasnt proof that I didnt belong.

It meant that I was in a new experience and Id have to adjust to feel comfortable.

Like wiggling your butt around a bit in a new chair until its just right.

The longer I spent in Krieger, the more Igot comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I was able to get used to expressing aspects of my own personality through him.

At one point,I built a robot armto go along with the costume.

So, I changed my shirt from yellow to blue andbecame RickfromRick and Morty.

Hes an outgoing, cranky, alcoholic scientist who loves to party and Im only one of those things.

So Igrabbed my portal gunand hit the con floor.

It was almost impossible to not be comfortable as Rick.

I talked to dozens of strangers in a single evening because they recognized this character that we both loved.

More importantly, it gave me a bridge to talk with other people about cool stuff.

Id madean Arduino-powered portal gunto go along with the costume.

While I was proud of it, it felt silly to say Look what I made!

to anyone besides my girlfriend in any other context.

However, carrying it around as Rick, everyone immediately recognized it.

Total strangers were asking about this gadget.

Eventually, this led to out-of-character conversations about how I built the prop.

Being Rick meant I had an instant bridge to other people who loved the show.

In fact, it worked for every costume Ive ever had.

When you broadcast your interests, its not surprising that the people who respond are like you.

If You Cant Change Your Confidence, Change Your Context

I first attendedDragon Conin 2011.

Surely at least some do.

For most cosplayers, though, this is an escape.

I had it completely backwards.

This was abundantly clear when I went to a Fallout-themed New Years partydressed as Nick Valentinethis past year.

Everyone in that room was there because they liked Fallout.

I was already immediately friends with everyone in the room.

By becoming Nick and hanging out with like-minded people, though, I could do it inthisbar.

I was in my element.

I had a shared interest with other people in the room and was wearing a perfect conversation starter.

The effect was like opening the tap on a confidence keg.

I didnt need to manufacturer confidence in a context I didnt like.

I just had to be with the people who shared my interests.

Its tempting to look at a really confident person and assume that theyre naturally like that in any scenario.

We treat confidence like its a quality people just have, and thats it.

However, that person may just be comfortable with different things than you are.

If you prefer spending time in a library than a bar, start there.

Meet the people who share your interests, rather than forcing yourself to become someone someone else likes.