This challenge is made even worse by the fact that most couples believe that great sex should just happen.
When you finally come to the realization that sex doesnt work like that, it can feel crippling.
Heres your plan of action.
Imagine your partner being scared
Its easy for fights about your sex life to feel acrimonious.
It can feel like your partner doesnt value your sexual satisfaction.
Sex can be an overwhelming topic for most people.
Instead, attempt to imagine that your partner is scared and feels lost.
That can help you address your sex life with your partner in a more productive way.
Its so easy for these topics to lead to endless, circular fights.
(We only had sex once last month!
No, we did it twice!
No, the only time was that one Wednesday night, after the kids were asleep.
No, there was also that other time, on a weekend.)
Couples get deadlocked, and neither partner wants to take that first step towards reconciliation.
But sex is about so much more than the logistics.
What do you get out of sex?
What kind of connection do you feel to your partner before, during, and after physical intimacy?
Find out if your partner feels fulfilled
Some people need to have sex to feel connected.
Other people need to feel connected for have sex.
Same goes for your partner.
Its important for couples to work on both physical and emotional intimacy at the same time.
They might feel a lot of pressure to change, which can lead to the fear I mentioned earlier.
Again, make it clear that you want to work on thingstogether.
Ive also found that the word willing is pretty key here.
If you ask your partner if they want to go to sex therapy, theyll probably say nope!
But if you say, This is really important to me.
Are youwillingto give it a shot with me?
youre more likely to get a positive response.
Explore other options
Everyone has different relationships with sex, and thats perfectly OK. Ive worked with couples who decided to open up their relationship so that one partner could find sexual fulfillment.
Ultimatums usually dont work.
Your partner has to decide that they want to work on your sex life for themselves.
