Faking orgasms doesnt do anyone any favors.
It doesnt help your partner learn what you actually need to feel pleasure, much less reach orgasm.
And in a broader sense, faking orgasm contributes to unrealistic expectations about how orgasm actually works.
Together, all of our faking is creating the illusion that orgasm happens easily and spontaneously.
The problem is that faking orgasms can feel so damn convenient sometimes.
If youre thinking about putting the kibosh on faking orgasms, heres what you should do instead.
Most people get so self-conscious about their orgasmic challenges that they forget that other people have them too.
(And for the record, this isnt a female issue.
Plenty ofmale-bodied folksstruggle too.)
You have two options - the whole truth or the half truth.
I tend to recommend fully coming clean.
Your partner might initially feel hurt that you werent honest.
But its important for you - and for your partner - to recognize that you never had malicious intentions.
Ive been faking my orgasms.
Ive been faking my whole life, and it became automatic for me.
When we started dating, I went right to that old bad habit without thinking.
I didnt want you to think that you were doing anything wrong, because youre not.
Here are a few examples:
My orgasms havent been feeling as powerful lately.
It feels like my body isnt as sensitive as it used to be.
I want to try some new tricks together.
Ive been trying some new techniques when I masturbate, and its been awesome.
Can I show you what Ive been doing?
From there, youd take the time to relearn how to orgasm with your partner.
I cant tell you how many of my clients dont do this.
A lot of people worry that saying what you like will come off as insulting to a partner.
Theres really no shame in telling your partner what you like.
If you know that you like using a lot of pressure, tell your partner that you like intensity.
If youve been struggling to orgasm for a long time, orgasm probably feels like an insurmountable problem.
Conveniently, focusing on this pleasure is also the best way to have an orgasm.
I always tell my clients, pleasure is the pathway to orgasm.
Youre not going to have an orgasm out of nowhere.
Youre going to have an orgasm because you or your partner are doing something that feels good.
Things like faster, slower, to the left are all great.
But you’ve got the option to do that without faking.
Say something like, I want you to come now.Focus on getting them off.
Tell them, I want to make you come.
If youre not sure if your partner can orgasm:
Focus more on yourself.
Say something like, I dont think I can take any more tonight or Im completely overloaded.
I think I need a break.
If your partner questions whether or not you orgasmed, tell the truth.
Say something like, no, but I feel totally satisfied.
you’re free to still have plenty of fun pre- and post- orgasm!
