He is a spender, to his (and our) detriment; Im a saver.
Im also the only one funding our daughters 529.
And no one should be lied to like you have been.
But that doesnt make it easier.
He should have to work to regain your trust.
That could mean working with a financial coach in addition to a therapist, says Conroy.
But more likely it means that you will need to take measures that seem paternalistic.
Your finances cant be easily fixed if destroyed.
Your husband seems to be treating money in an immature way, which calls for you to take control.
While potentially uncomfortable, communication about money is key.
Then, Bird suggests working through a month of paying bills together.
After that, each of you should take a turn paying the bills independently.
If none of that works, you may have to take more extreme measures.
That can breed resentment, and honestly, its not sustainablenor should it be.
As youve said, you dont want to leave your daughter vulnerable if something happens.
Think about your wants and needs, and how his behavior affects those things.
Not all decisions should be made financially.
And if you havent yet, see a therapist on your own.
They will be able to help you figure out whatyouwant, says Conroy.
Not what the two of you want together.
Ultimately, its not up to you if your husband decides to take your finances seriously or not.
We cannot change other people.
Your husband needs to want to change, and hes going to have to put in the work.
If he doesnt, know that thats notyourfault, Anonymous.
Youre doing the best you’re able to, and being a positive role model for your daughter.
Hopefully your husband will want to be the same.
