But that is just the beginning.
There are the days leading up to the actual miscarriage.
Then the physically painful process of the miscarriage.
And the continued emotional devastation after.
If youre experiencing this or already have, this is nothing new.
And if you havent, hopefully you never will.
Here are some things you’re able to do after the loss of a pregnancy.
You wont want to do anything but lie in bed, cry and disappear.
No matter how devastated and frustrated you feel, just remember your wife will be more emotionally wrecked.
She, out of anyone else, will feel like doing nothing but accompany misery.
It will be on you to stay strong for her.
My wife went through it naturally.
But learn all your options and decide what will make both you and your wife more comfortable.
My wife miscarried late at night.
I made sure she didnt experience it alone.
She was in pain throughout.
I did what I could to comfort her.
I made sure I stayed awake through it all and rubbed her back.
She would later tell me that I couldnt have helped her any better than what I did.
Tell Her Shes Not Broken
Your wife will say it internally and out loud.
With tears rushing down her eyes and an earthquake in her throat.
She will wonder if something is wrong with her.
Because why else would a living thing die inside her body.
So be there for her.
The pain is physical and emotional.
And youll never really know if one is worse than the other.
So tell her shes not broken.
Its not her fault.
Its no ones fault.
And you could even back it up with scientific evidence.
Tell Her How Youre Feeling
Let her know shes not alone.
That youre feeling the world crumbling down on you, too.
Youre trying to stay strong for the both of you, but youre also hurt.
Tell her shes not crazy for being heartbroken for losing someone she never even met.
Going through the process of grieving and healing is a lot about her.
But its a lot about you, too.
And you oughta let out everything churning inside you so you could heal, too.
Feed Her
Deep depression sets in.
Some people may not find it hard to eat as it helps them through their grieving process.
But others, like my wife, didnt have an interest in consuming food or water.
ensure youre both still drinking fluids and eating enough.
But its important to do so because not many people do.
So when you feel youre ready, tell people that you were expecting but had a miscarriage.
When people understand miscarriages are more common than they think, it helps.
Those who have gone through it and those who will wont feel alone.
My wife and I didnt get a chance to tell people we were pregnant before she miscarried in 2013.
Some may have suspected because we retreated for months.
When we slowly started sharing what happened, we learned so many others actually went through the same thing.
It really helped to know that miscarriages are common.
Because we realized this happens.
Its not just us.
Theres nothing wrong with us.
Normalize the discussion of miscarriages because it truly does help.
