He blew up a tube of latex, twisted it into a puppy, and handed it to me.
I said with glee.
Dont talk to strangers, they scolded.
I want her to be safe, but I dont want her to preemptively fear people.
In online parenting groups, I see the same plea come up often: Help!
My child strikes up conversations with every adult she sees at the playground.
How can I teach her about stranger danger?
(The fear almost always surrounds girls rather than boys.)
I say we dont.
While I understand the anxiety that fuels stranger danger, there are a few problems with the concept.
First, emphasizing stranger danger overlooks a more pressing problem.
While viscerally disturbing,child abduction by strangers is exceedingly rare.
Whats true is that 90% percent of the harm done to children is by people they already know.
Children are most often harmed by friends and family.
This unsettling statistic is one we wish would go away.
Second, its just confusing for kids.
The new first-grade teacher?
The nurse they just met?
Should they fear everyone?
And thats something that takes practice.
In life, it is good to talk to strangers.
Heres how to help keep your kids safe without mentioning stranger danger.
Know that children naturally have good intuition.
Even if something feels mostly safe, they should check with an adult just in case.
Talk About Tricky People
Theres a movement to rebrand strangers as tricky people.
At the library, have them ask the librarian where they can find books on Egypt.
At a restaurant, have them order their own meal.
At the dog park, see if they can find out what a dogs name is.
Most strangers are totally fine!
Very helpful, even.
Kids will need to talk to strangers throughout their lives.
