When a Friend is Grieving, Offer Specific Ways You Can Help

Around this time last year, my mom passed away.

Oh, and I live in San Francisco and my mom was in North Carolina.

Literally hundreds of people offered to help me on Facebook and via text, but only two people did.

Only two people made actual suggestions on what they could do to help.

Around the same time, two of my other close friends also lost parents.

Like me, they experienced the same phenomenon.

The weeks following my moms death were awful.

If someone had asked Would you like a sandwich?

The answer would have most certainly been Yes.

I havent eaten in 2 days.

I mean, technically I can drive myself places and find my own sandwich.

Instead of saying Let me know if I can help!

I encourage everyone to instead offer a suggestion on exactly what they have time for.

Here are some ideas:

Can I bring/buy you breakfast/lunch/dinner?

This is the easiest thing to do by far.

Just offer to bring dinner over for an evening or two.

Make a frozen lasagna.

Raid the snack aisle at Trader Joes.

If this is a close friend, you dont even need to ask for this one.

Obviously, this will vary depending on how close you are with the person.

What errands do you need help with or can I drive you anywhere?

Can I give you some to help pay for your ticket?

Thanks to losers who took advantage of the system, airlines dont offer bereavement fares anymore.

That means that if your friend has to travel, theyre likely buying a VERY expensive last-minute ticket.

Funerals are insanely expensive and airline miles can help offset some of the financial blow.

If you offer something specific, theyll be much more likely to take you up on it.