ItsEvil Weekat Lifehacker, which means were looking into less-than-seemly methods for getting shit done.
Thats up to you.
So how do you decide when you absolutely have to go, and when its reasonable to skip?
And what can you do to soften the blow of a no?
We checked in with etiquette experts and people whove been in these thorny situations for some advice.
(Keep it bookmarked as wedding invites start piling up in the coming months.)
People should understand that.
You just have to pick and choose.
Plus, she says, It helps if we can build a vacation around the special event.
People remember the way you handle weddings and funerals specifically, she adds.
They will always remember who showed up and and who didnt.
That said, your decision whether or not to go isnt necessarilyjustabout how close you are.
That reverence, or respect, takes precedence sometimes, especially when it comes to elderly relatives.
Otherwise, oftentimes a card or a note is fine, he says.
It really should just be what youre comfortable with.
And if you cant make a funeral or a graduation, specifically, a heartfelt note is in order.
see to it to personalize it and make it special, Gottsman adds.
If youre close family members or friends but simply cant prioritize going, send a gift.
The amount of money you spend doesnt matter as much as sending something thats thoughtful.
We were living in London when we got married in Napa, Rebekah explains.
They basically put a price on our relationship and it was 200.
I didnt stop talking to them but I was disappointed for years afterwards.
In this case, offering specifics made the decision not to attendmorehurtful, not less.
Plus, theres a difference between a reason and an excuse, says Senning.
The difference depends on your sincerity.
And I hope you understand.
If I could, you know I would be there for you.
And, although it should go without saying, dont lie.
One lie begets another and begets another.
Instead, keep it simple, dont pile on excuses or reasons, says Swann.
And be sure the person planning it knows before you dive in telling others, says Swann.
You dont want them to hear the news from anyone else but you.
Plus, Swann adds: make a run at tell them in the most personal way possible.
Avoid texting it may be too informal and feel removed.
You want to send a heartfelt email or a phone call.
A non-answer is not an effective no, agrees Senning.
How often do you see your sister or uncle or mother or father, even?
Ultimately, he says, Etiquette is about relationships and social skills that cultivate good relationships.
Theres a certain currency.
