My two kids are opposites in almost every possible way.
My son is noisy, impulsive, confident, quirky and clever.
My daughter is medium-volumed, thoughtful, hesitant, compliant and methodical.
My son doesnt care about earning rewards for good behavior.
My daughter independently invents her own reward systems.
My son needs more reminders, firmer boundaries, and sometimes harsher consequences.
Praising his effort isnt always enough to motivate appropriate behavior or hard work.
This simply isnt true.
I love my two kids equally.
The fact that I treat them unequally doesnt change that.
I would even argue its imperative that all parents of multiple children do this to some extent.
Scientists have recognized that siblings are often very different from one another.
(Parents, of course, have known this all along.)
I love my two kids equally.
The fact that I treat them unequally doesnt change that.
A younger sibling experiences the same family environment, but in a very different way.
They are born to experienced (and probably more relaxed) parents who already have a child.
They will never know what it is to be the sole recipient of their parents constant, undivided attention.
Unless a third child arrives on the scene, the second childs family is generally not significantly altered.
(The non-shared environment phenomenon istrue even for twins.)
In other words, the parent doesnt create the behavior; the behavior creates the parent.
It shouldnt be any different if you have two or three or more.
He wouldnt learn to pick up after himself or finish tasks hes started or turn homework in on time.
He isnt motivated by the natural consequences I read about in so many books.
He wouldnt mind living in filth, surrounded by unfinished projects, and failing school.
He mindsnow, but that is only after years of reminding, lecturing and sticking firm to tough consequences.
But what about jealousy?
Its definitely happened in my house.
Of course I dont want my son to feel less loved.
Its my job to help him learn.
If I dont do that job, what kind of parent am I?
I also confirm that in the quiet moments, I play up all of my sons positive mirror traits.
Stubbornness equates to strong leadership skills and independent thinking.
Messiness stems from an unusually creative mind.
I love my sons busy mind.
Im also careful to treat my kids equally in ways unrelated to their behavior.
I may not treat my kids equally, but I do treat them fairly.
Doing otherwise would only shortchange them and limit their potential.
