Youve got problems, Ive got advice.
This advice isnt sugar-coatedin fact, its sugar-free, and may even be a little bitter.
Welcome to Tough Love.
I simply want to give you the tools you’re gonna wanna enrich your damn lives.
If for whatever reason you dont like my advice, feel free tofile a formal complaint here.
Now then, lets get on with it.
Hey Patrick,
I believe I was lucky enough to rub across your page.
So I sent her a few sexual pictures.
Now, after the pictures, Im blocked.
Was this a mistake?
Or do you think maybe shell find a way to contact me?
Weve spent over eight years knowing every single thing about each other.
I really dont know what to do now.
I know Im basically all of the joy in her life.
kindly help, man.
Sincerely,
Dick Pickington
Hey Dick Pickington:
Rub across my page?
Uh, kindly dontrubacross any of my things.
Anyway, I think you have royally screwed the pooch here, dude.
It was fine to reveal your feelings because, well, you both did it.
It sounds kind of sweet really, like a scene in a bad rom-com.
The mistake was sending her the sexual pictures because you thought she was prompting you for them.
After being in such a shitty relationship with her almost-ex-boyfriend, she wants something that feels real.
Theres nothing sweet or romantic about a photo of your penis, so she blocks you, feeling disappointed.
Best case scenario:She goes Wow!
and sends you something sexy back.
But wait, theres a secret third option…
Probably makes a joke about the size of your penis.
Also, now there are pictures of your junk out there.
Let there be some surprise.
And you know what?
Send a dick pic andmaybeget a pic back.
Id swat you on the nose with a newspaper if I could.
Not only is it incredibly conceited for you to believe that, but how could you possibly know?
Like,even if she told you that, its probably not true.
Shes not Princess Peach, her boyfriend isnt Bowser, and youre not Mario.
Life is more complicated than that acid trip.
And Mario doesnt send Peach pics of his mushroom.
I believe that you guys were very close friends, I do.
And I even believe that you guys both had feelings for each other.
But you are not now, and not ever, her only chance at happiness.
You are not her savior.
Also, probably someone who wanted to eventually be intimatein person.
Dont hound her on Facebook, and dont give a shot to find other ways to contact her.
If she ever wants to reconnect with you, she will.
But its all on her now.
Oh, and dont send people pictures of your genitals anymore, Dick Pickington.
Its clearly not the magic love potion you thought it would be.
