If youre a people-pleaser, youre probably empathetic and giving.
Dont get me wrongthese are admirable qualities to have.
If youre tired of feeling like a doormat, how do you start to put yourself first?
By virtue of being a people-pleaser, youre probably not keen on making anyone else upset.
Here are some concrete tips to begin asserting yourself as your own person.
Think about the sort of line-crossing that makes you feel like a doormat.
Does your friend expect you to be available to talk about their love life round the clock?
Does your partner assume that youre fine doing all the grocery shopping and cooking?
Do you need a coworker to understand that youre no longer comfortable always picking up their slack?
Once you define what your boundaries are, itll be easier to implement them with those around you.
Create a mantra
Mantras areclassic tools for motivation.
Im overflowing with go-to words and phrases that work like miniature pep talks in all corners of my life.
If youre unsure of yourself, its easy to simply agree with others to make the room happy.
Try asking yourself some tough questions about why you fear saying no.
This way, youre not scrambling, equivocating, and eventually giving into others in the moment.
Here are some thought-starters:
Thanks, but Im at capacity at the moment.
I appreciate you thinking of me, but I cant take that on right now.
Sorry, I have a conflict that I cant move around.
I simply dont have the time that [your request] deserves.
I cant do that, but have you thought about [alternative solution]?
Remember that you dont owe anyone a lengthy explanation.
Ive said it before and Ill say it again: No is a complete sentence.
Some final reminders: venture to avoid a litany of excuses or apologies.
This will create more room for you to get backed into your old people-pleasing ways.
If nothing else, tackle your people-pleasing logically: There is no possible way to like everyone.
