I am a ball and chain at trivia night.
My brain does not retain facts or names unrelated to Wham songs.
I cry when I land sports in Trivial Pursuit.
I watchWheel of Fortune, mouth agog, unable to complete a phrase missing only a Q.
But Ive always thought that I could excel onThe Price is Right.
How much is this car?
OK, fuck if I know.
But ask me about groceries and were golden.
I read recipes and immediately translate them into dollar signs.
Im not cheap, although Id be proud to be.
Spuds
Potatoes are a perfect food troll.
They are somehow French fries and potato chips and scalloped potatoes but still a vegetable?
I believe deeply in giving party people a base of carbs for boozing.
I also believe that party food should only require one hand.
Potatoes excel in both arenas.
First, obtain your teeny tiny potatoes.
A bag will usually run you three or four bucks.
Slice them in half longwise.
Now, you have two options.
In any case, the toppings are what make the scene here.
Think of it like a caviar topped blini.
Now caviarthats really expensive, right?
Fill shot glasses or Asian soup spoons with just enough soup for a hearty sip.
(Consider a silky cauliflower cream soup or a single tortellini in a flavorful and rich broth.)
Ooh la fucking la.
Cauliflower cream soup is a dreamlike an actual cloudand takes 20 minutes to make.
Rough chop cauliflower, then simmer with enough stock to cover.
Simmer until the cauliflower is fork tender, then blitz until it is super smooth.
Add cream to taste (usually half as much cream as stock) and blend again.
Serve with chives on top.
For the tortellini, pick up a package of refrigerated fresh tortellini for five bucks at the grocery store.
A mushroom filling would work great here.
Next, make a stock with a lot of flavor and even a little spice.
The tortellini will float for extra effect.
Sliders
Spending $10 here on a small cut of beef has a huge payoff.
Claire Lower has a great recipe for doing sohere.
Grab half of a pound of very red tuna without any bloodline.
Spoon a teaspoon full onto a hefty potato chip and serve on a tray.
Radishes with butter and fleur de sel is another simple and beautiful bite.
A baked brie is great, but messy and hard to navigate.
Consider the brie bite.
Buy $5-worth of frozen puff pastry and a $10 wheel of brie.
Cut the wheel into slices, wrap them in puff pastry, and bake.
you’ve got the option to also get a little fancy by making tiny obnoxious pizza bites.
Use gruyere instead of brie, along with prosciutto and sundried tomatoes.
Remember: No one comes to your house to judge how much you spent on the food.
These days, were all too damn thrilled to have a reason to celebrate to worry about such ridiculousness.
