One of the main functions of the autonomic nervous system is to keep us safe, Melancon explains.

Without conscious awareness, our nervous system will attune to others systems.

In relationships, Melancon says we are constantly co-regulating with our partner.

This can work both for us and against us.

It means when our partner is happy, were more likely to feel happy.

But when theyre upset, its easier for us to get upset, as well.

Unfortunately, this can be extra challenging when conflict arises and can lead to unnecessary drama.

For instance, one partner has a boundary that was unintentionally crossed.

Unfortunately, according toDr.

Therefore, our nervous system responds to all relationship stress as if its life or death.

This response is heightened even further for those with anxiety or PTSD.

Fight means you are taking on the threat and fighting back.

Flight would be running away hopefully to safety.

Freeze is when you are stunned and just cant move or react.

Fawn is when you give in to the attacker and let them take over.

And befriend means to use community resources and friends to help battle the threat.

If your response is fight, you would yell back and escalate the conflict.

If you have a befriend response, you might call your partners mother to help ease the situation.

So, if you want to change your response, you have to gradually rewire your brain.

The first step is awareness.

You have to realize what your style is.

The next step is motivation.

Understand how your response style hurts the relationship, and then you must authentically desire to change it.

Making incremental behavioral changes is the next step.

Helfand suggests starting by taking a break if you notice your old response is about to express itself.

Every brain has a system of mirror neurons.

These neurons attempt to mimic the emotional and physical state of the persons we interact with.

This is known as empathy.

We feel what they feel.

This is also a powerful tool to help couples co-regulate with each other, Helfand says.

There is some great research on couples that co-breathe, for example.